Birth Trauma

Finding Light After Birth Trauma: A Path to Healing

Dear Parent,

Let’s start with a deep breath. If you’re here, it’s likely because your baby’s birth didn’t unfold the way you imagined. Maybe it was overwhelming, terrifying, or left you feeling like something precious was taken from you. Whatever your experience, I want you to know that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel the way you do. This is a safe space for you to explore those feelings and find hope for healing.

Whether you’re a mother or a father, birth trauma can leave deep emotional and physical scars. It’s okay to feel like you’re still processing what happened. It’s okay if you feel overwhelmed, sad, or even angry. Let’s take a moment together to unpack this experience, so you can find some hope, support, and healing along the way.

What Is Birth Trauma?

Birth trauma is any experience during labor, delivery, or recovery that leaves you feeling scared, helpless, or deeply distressed. It’s not just about the physical aspects of childbirth; it’s also about how the experience made you feel.

Maybe your birth plan went completely out the window. Maybe there were unexpected complications, or you felt dismissed or unheard in the delivery room. Perhaps you or your baby faced a medical emergency, or you felt overwhelmed by the intensity of the experience. Trauma is deeply personal—what feels manageable for one person can feel unbearable for another, and that’s okay.

How Common Is Birth Trauma?

You might feel alone in this, but birth trauma is surprisingly common. Research shows that up to 45% of mothers consider their birth experience traumatic, and 3-6% go on to develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Fathers and non-birthing partners aren’t immune either. Around 10% of fathers experience symptoms of PTSD after witnessing or supporting a loved one through a traumatic birth. You’re not alone in this—there’s an entire community of parents who understand exactly how you feel.

What Birth Trauma Feels Like

If you’re wondering whether your feelings “count” as trauma, let me reassure you: they do. Trauma doesn’t have a specific checklist—it’s about how an event impacts you personally.

You might notice things like:

• Intrusive memories or flashbacks of the birth.

• A sense of hypervigilance, feeling constantly on edge or anxious.

• Avoidance behaviors, like not wanting to talk about the birth or revisit the hospital.

• Deep feelings of sadness, guilt, or shame, as if you somehow “failed.”

• Physical symptoms, like tension, headaches, or fatigue, often tied to stress.

These feelings aren’t signs of weakness. They’re your mind and body’s way of processing a really tough experience.

The Ripple Effect of Birth Trauma

Birth trauma doesn’t just stay in the delivery room—it can impact your life in ways you didn’t expect.

• Bonding with your baby: You might feel disconnected or unsure how to connect.

• Changes in your relationship: Trauma can strain communication and create tension between partners.

• Mental health challenges: Unaddressed trauma can contribute to anxiety, depression, or postpartum PTSD.

But here’s the good news: with the right support, these challenges can be addressed, and healing is absolutely possible.

Finding Your Way to Healing

If you’re struggling after a traumatic birth, I want you to know that there’s no “right” way to heal. Everyone’s journey looks different, but here are some steps that can help you find your way forward:

1. Acknowledge Your Experience

The first step is to give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. Your experience was real, and your emotions are valid. You don’t need to minimize it or compare it to anyone else’s story.

2. Talk to Someone You Trust

Sometimes, just sharing your story can bring a sense of relief. Talk to a partner, friend, or family member who can listen without judgment. If speaking feels too hard, consider journaling as a way to let your emotions out.

3. Seek Professional Support

Therapists who specialize in trauma or postpartum challenges can help you process your feelings and begin to heal. Trauma doesn’t have to define you, and professional support can be a powerful tool for reclaiming your story.

4. Take Baby Steps Toward Bonding

If you’re feeling distant from your baby, remember that bonding doesn’t have to be instant. Small, simple moments—like holding them, talking to them, or even just watching them sleep—can gradually build connection.

5. Join a Support Group

Connecting with other parents who’ve experienced birth trauma can be incredibly comforting. Hearing their stories may remind you that you’re not alone and offer hope for your own journey.

6. Be Gentle with Yourself

Healing takes time, and it’s not always a straight line. Some days will feel harder than others, and that’s okay. Give yourself grace and celebrate small victories along the way.

For Partners: Supporting a Loved One

If you’re reading this as a partner, thank you for wanting to support the person you love. They need you now more than ever. Here’s how you can help:

• Listen without judgment: Let them share their feelings at their own pace.

• Offer practical help: Take on extra baby care or household tasks to ease their load.

• Encourage professional help: Gently suggest talking to a counselor or joining a support group.

• Be patient: Healing takes time, and your support can make all the difference.

A Heartfelt Reminder

To the parents reading this: your trauma doesn’t define you. You are so much more than this one experience, even if it feels overwhelming right now.

You are not broken, and you are not alone. What you went through was incredibly hard, but you are still here, doing your best for yourself and your family. That resilience is something to be proud of.

Take this one day at a time. Reach out for help when you need it. And remember: brighter days are ahead, and healing is within reach. You are not alone in this journey, and you are deeply deserving of care and support.

Sending you warmth, understanding, and hope as you navigate this chapter. 💛

The ones overlooked

Dear New Dads: You’re Not Alone in This Journey

Hi, Dad.

Let’s take a moment to talk about you. Yes, you—the one who’s been juggling sleepless nights, a crying baby, and the weight of being a new father. The postpartum period can feel like an emotional whirlwind, and while a lot of focus naturally lands on the mother and baby, your feelings and experiences matter too.

You’re not alone in this journey. Many fathers go through challenges in the early days of parenthood, but their struggles often go unseen or unspoken. This post is for you—to let you know it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, unsure, or even a little lost. You’re doing better than you think.

The Quiet Struggles Fathers Face

Becoming a dad is life-changing, but let’s be real: it’s not always easy. Along with the joys of parenthood can come exhaustion, anxiety, and even sadness. These feelings are far more common than you might think, and it’s important to talk about them.

Emotional Ups and Downs

Did you know that 1 in 10 dads experience paternal postpartum depression (PPD)? It’s not just a mom thing. You might feel irritable, withdrawn, or overly anxious, and that’s okay. The adjustment to fatherhood is a big deal, and it’s normal to feel all over the place emotionally.

Pressure to Provide

Many fathers feel an intense pressure to “be the rock” for their family—financially, emotionally, or both. This pressure can sometimes feel suffocating, especially if you’re also dealing with sleep deprivation and the steep learning curve of being a new parent.

Feeling Left Out

While moms often get support and attention during this time (and rightly so), dads sometimes feel sidelined. If you’ve felt unsure about your role or struggled to bond with your baby, know that you’re not alone. These feelings are valid and common.

Relationship Changes

Adjusting to life with a baby changes your relationship too. Between midnight feedings and diaper changes, it’s easy to feel disconnected from your partner. Arguments or misunderstandings might pop up more often than they did before, but this doesn’t mean your relationship is broken—it’s just evolving.

The Stats Tell a Story

If you’ve been wondering if your struggles are unique, here’s some reassurance:

• Paternal Postpartum Depression (PPD): Around 10% of fathers experience PPD, though the real number may be higher because many dads don’t speak up.

• Relationship Challenges: Nearly 67% of couples report a drop in relationship satisfaction within the first three years after a baby is born.

• Sleep Loss: New dads lose an average of 13 minutes of sleep per night during the first year—a small number that adds up fast!

You’re part of a community of dads navigating similar challenges, even if it feels like you’re the only one struggling.

Steps to Help You Through

No one expects you to have it all figured out. Here are some ways to care for yourself while stepping into your new role as a dad:

1. Let Yourself Feel

First things first: give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling. Whether it’s joy, exhaustion, frustration, or uncertainty, your emotions are valid. Bottling them up won’t make them go away—in fact, it might make things harder.

2. Bond with Your Baby

Building a connection with your baby doesn’t have to be complicated. Spend time doing small, meaningful things like changing diapers, rocking them to sleep, or talking to them while you hold them. These moments add up and strengthen your bond.

3. Talk to Your Partner

This is a team effort. Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, and make space to listen to theirs. Even if you’re both exhausted and short on patience, staying connected through open communication can make a world of difference.

4. Don’t Forget Yourself

It’s easy to put yourself last during this time, but you need care too. Find little ways to recharge—a quick walk, a nap, or even five minutes of quiet reflection. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it makes you a better dad and partner.

5. Seek Support When Needed

There’s no shame in asking for help. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, joining a dad support group, or seeking professional guidance, reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.

What About Your Relationship?

Having a baby changes the dynamic between you and your partner. It’s easy to feel like you’re drifting apart, but these challenges are often temporary and manageable. Try to carve out even a few minutes a day to reconnect. A hug, a kind word, or a shared laugh can remind you that you’re in this together.

A Note About Paternal Postpartum Depression

If you’re feeling persistently sad, angry, or detached, it’s important to recognize the possibility of paternal postpartum depression (PPD). You’re not “weak” or “failing” if this happens—it’s a real condition that can affect anyone. Reaching out to a healthcare professional can provide clarity and support.

You’re Not Alone

The postpartum period can feel isolating, but you’re not alone in this. Countless fathers have walked this path before you, feeling the same mix of emotions, doubts, and fears. And just like them, you’ll find your rhythm.

Your baby doesn’t need you to be perfect—they just need you to show up. Every late-night cuddle, diaper change, and silly face you make is building a bond that will last a lifetime.

So take a deep breath, Dad. You’re doing an incredible job, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. And when the tough moments come, remember: this season is temporary, but the love and connection you’re building are forever.

You’ve got this. 💙