The Heavy Weight of “Should”: Understanding Postpartum Guilt

And Why You’re Not a Bad Mom for Feeling It

No one prepares you for how heavy it can feel—this quiet, aching sense that you’re doing something wrong.

Maybe you’re holding your baby and thinking:"I should be enjoying this more."Or maybe you’re taking a break, and your mind whispers:"I should be doing something."

Postpartum guilt is real.And it’s something so many mothers feel—but rarely talk about.

The Unspoken Truth: Most of Us Feel This Way

Most of us, at one point in the postpartum period, feel like we’re failing somehow.Like we’re not doing enough. Like we’re not measuring up.

We compare ourselves to other mothers—the ones who seem to have it all together, who look like they’re having the time of their lives—while we’re just trying to survive another day without even finding the time to wash our hair.

And the hardest part?So many of us carry this guilt in silence, convinced that we’re the only ones struggling.But this feeling is so common.You’re not the only one. And you deserve to know that.Because when we bring these feelings into the light, they lose their power to isolate us.

Where Does Postpartum Guilt Come From?

Guilt often shows up when our reality doesn’t match the story we’ve been told about how motherhood should look or feel.

We’ve been fed messages (sometimes loud, sometimes subtle) that say:

• You should be soaking in every moment

• You should bond instantly with your baby

• You should bounce back—physically, emotionally, relationally

• You should have all the answers

• You should never need a break

But to the mama reading this, I want you to know:

YOU ARE NOT FAILING.You are the best mother there could ever be for your baby.There is literally no one else on this planet who can be a better mom for that little human.Your DNA, your biology, your body are wired to care for your child—and that deep inner knowing will come with time.

You are not behind. You are becoming.

Common Triggers for Postpartum Guilt

Here are just a few of the things mothers often feel guilty about—none of which mean you’re doing anything wrong:

• Not loving every minute of motherhood

• Wanting time alone (and feeling relieved when you get it)

• Struggling with breastfeeding or choosing not to

• Feeling distant or disconnected from your baby or partner

• Not feeling “productive” enough

• Snapping at your partner or being short with loved ones

• Longing for parts of your old life

• Not feeling like yourself

Sound familiar? You’re not the only one.

Why Guilt Hurts So Much

Guilt is painful because it often masks deeper emotions underneath—like fear, grief, or a sense of inadequacy.

And when you’re exhausted, sleep-deprived, and emotionally stretched thin, your brain is more vulnerable to harsh self-judgment.

But mama, hear this:You don’t need to feel guilty for being human.You don’t need to feel guilty for needing care, too.You’re not a bad mother because it’s hard.

What Can Help

💛 Name it. Guilt thrives in silence. Sometimes just saying, “I feel guilty for…” can start to loosen its grip.

💛 Challenge the “should.” Ask yourself: Who told me it had to look this way? Is this really my voice, or someone else’s?

💛 Talk to someone safe. Whether it’s a friend, your partner, or a professional—sharing your feelings can ease the burden.

💛 Practice self-compassion. What would you say to a friend feeling the way you do? Try offering that kindness to yourself.

💛 Reframe the story. Instead of “I shouldn’t feel this way,” try: “This is a sign I care deeply, and I’m learning to navigate something new.”

You Are Not Your Guilt

Guilt isn’t the truth—it’s just a feeling.It’s a sign that you care.It’s a sign that you’re growing.But it doesn’t define you.

You are not failing.You are not broken.You are becoming—one imperfect, beautiful, messy day at a time.

And if you’re carrying more than you know how to hold, I’m here to support you. 💛